Self-Nurturing is the new Self-Care
February 23rd 2023
We hear a lot about self-care, don’t we? There is value in taking time for us and caring for our bodies and well-being, but we’re going to look at something that goes a little deeper: self-nurturing.
Self-nurturing speaks to our innate need for care, compassion, and love, especially when we are dysregulated due to chronic stress, trauma, or sudden and big changes in life.
If our behaviours are developed out of our thoughts, feelings and perceptions, the state of our nervous system is the very bedrock that all these things stand in. Calm and regulate your nervous system, and so many other things will begin to shift.
How do you know your nervous system is dysregulated? Here are a few hints:
• you have disproportionate reactions to everyday situations
• You are easily overwhelmed and have a hard time calming down
• You feel numb
• You are on autopilot and disconnected and withdrawn
• You find it hard to access your compassion for others
• Things that you normally enjoyed feel threatening or draining
• You don't engage in hobbies or relationships anymore
• Your sleep, appetite, energy levels are greatly affected. Usually to the extreme, (eg: either all you want to do is sleep or you can't sleep, either you have no energy, or you can sit still feel driven to keep going)
• You are desperately trying to control others, yourself, or your environment just to feel some sense of safety
*this is not a comprehensive list, but a few hints to pick up on
We’ve compiled some videos that are very helpful and explain what we mean by self-nurturing a little more:
When you are feeling like this, it's VERY important NOT to pile on a ton of routines, schedules, and do's and don'ts as this will just likely add to the overwhelmed feeling.
Start small and simple.
Here are some ideas of where you can start:
journaling
lean into your spiritual practice
engage in enjoyable body movement
sleep
practice mindful self-compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff.
Take what you will from this list, or find your own things that you feel are most helpful for you, then create the focus you need. It's important to connect with yourself and meet the needs that have not been met in a long time, or maybe ever.
Some of the things you can expect when working on calming the nervous system:
• Release of emotions: if you feel like crying or yelling or punching a mattress, etc., do it. Release that so your system doesn’t have to keep holding it.
• Notice the signs of how your body releases and regulates. This could be as simple as a deeper breathing, relaxing of certain muscles, a swallow, a yawn, or a feeling of softening in certain areas.
• Don’t get too in your head about it, this isn’t about analyzing or anything like that. It’s just about observing and noticing what your body is doing and how it’s responding.
• Notice without judgement. Whatever happens is there, it’s allowed to be there, and it’s not right/wrong/good/bad, it just is. Self-compassion can be so hard but it is such a secret key to unlocking a lot of stress.
• You can also expect to start to notice more body cues that you may not have picked up on before. This is great because it shows you are becoming more in tune with your body. Pay attention to the cues and ways your body is trying to communicate with you and meet those needs, don’t ignore or push them away. This builds an internal sense of trust and safety with yourself.
• You will start to notice yourself reacting and responding differently to others and the world around you.
If you would like to explore more tools to calm and regulate your nervous system, please book yourself into a complimentary consultation for The Safe and Sound Protocol with one of our counsellors.
